I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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