a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
