From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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