By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
