Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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