I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
