peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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