Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
