didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
