Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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