At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
