Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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