So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
