I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
