its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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