I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
