i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
