I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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