better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
