i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
