two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
