He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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