I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This gyro tastes like lonliness
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
