I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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