Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
