u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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