Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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