i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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