Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
