I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
