If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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