Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
