Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
