Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
