I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
