I want to stick my p in your. b.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
