Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
