I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
