we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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