Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
