that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
