I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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