I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
