I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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