Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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