If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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