Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Let's paint friendship bongs
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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