You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
