Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
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i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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