I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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