Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck appropriateness.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
