I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
