I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
