I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
