Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
