am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
