My Higher Power is John Stamos
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
