yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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