after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
