i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
