Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
