I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
