I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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