The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
