Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.