Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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