Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
