I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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