The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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